Worship of Alluring Alpacas

Links!

http://www.intrepidalpacas.com/about_funny.htm («< Read some of this one, it’s funny!)

http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/1232497459043257711zGWbbL

http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/1232498492043257711HivKsU

http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/1232497912043257711DTTTGZ

http://www.alpacanation.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8110 (alpaca message board!!!!!!)

The funnniest jokes you will ever read! Alpaca Humor!!!!!!!

Knock Knock
Who’s there!
Alpaca!
Alpaca who?
Alpaca picnic lunch!

Knock Knock
Who’s there!
Alpaca!
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the trunk, you pack the suitcase!

Links!

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/03/19/alpaca-killing-lead-tougher-animal-cruelty-laws-ohio/%20?test=latestnews

http://www.risingstaralpacas.com/

http://www.newventurealpaca.com/?gclid=CK3M04PMgaECFVhJ2godIDEzug

http://www.local12.com/guides/petcare/story/Owner-of-Beaten-Alpaca-Speaks-in-Court/N_x5MVi1kkeULSWt2juKCQ.cspx

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cornwall/8583936.stm

GARY BALLIS

   Once upon a time, in Akron, Ohio, Gary Ray Ballis sat on a bus with his laptop. He was a typical bus folk. He sat there on his laptop playing Mafia Wars on Facebook when suddenly a red popout box told Gary  Ballis that he had 1 new friend request. The friend request was from Bart Bass. Being gay and a huge Mafia Wars player, Gary Ballis accepted the friend request in hope that Bart also played Mafia Wars. Gary Ballis began to chat with his friend on facebook named Joseph Robert Schatzle. Joseph Robert said, ” Be carfeul Gary Ballis, I see you added Bart Bass on facebook, and he’s one crazy old fucker.” Gary Ballis and Joseph chatted about Bart for quite some time and at the end agreed that Bart was mentally unstable and disturbing. Joseph Robert said that once Bart prank called him and that he had had his brother trace the phone call to Wisconsin. Gary Ballis asked for this phone number and Joseph Robert gave it to him.

     Gary Ballis’s bus stopped at his bus stop and he got off, but first he quickly wrote down the phone number that Joseph Robert had given him. Gary Ballis walked home through the busy streets in Akron and a few alpaca pranced buy. A torrent of miscellaneous chickens thundered from above. Gary Ballis rushed home, but unfortuneately his house was flooded with miscellaneous chickens, so Gary Ballis packed his bags and rode an alpaca to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He arrived in Milwaukee about a week later because his alpaca was very slow due to its pregnancy. During his ride, Gary Ballis played Mafia Wars on facebook , and accepted two new friend requests from Shannon Mullins and Katie Gebhard. In Milwaukee, he walked all around looking for a house, but couldn’t find one to buy so he decided to kick a family out of there house. The family was the Nichols family, consisting of Donna Nichols, a rather plump being with mirthful face, Craig Nichols, a banjo-playing lunatic, Teddy Nichols, a scampering canine, and the enormous and ever so gleeful Abby Nichols. The Nichols family became bums and lived on the streets of Milwaukee while Gary Ballis moved into their house.

     Once settled into his new house on Austin street, Gary Ballis went back to playing Mafia Wars on faceboook when suddenly Joseph Robert asked him, “Hey buddy, what’s up?.” Gary Ballis said he had moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Joseph Robert told him, “Really? Then you should get to the bottom of this whole Bart Bass case since I think he’s some kids from Wisconsin. Do you still have the phone number I gave you?”. Gary Ballis still had the number and tried calling it. Two giggling freaks answered the phone, not knowing who was calling, with some encroaching moan noise. Gary Ballis quickly hung up the phone, disturbed for life by those encroaching moans. The ironic thing was that neither Gary Ballis nor the girls he just called knew that they were currently living next door to eachother or that they were friends on faceboook. Actually, both girls didn’t live next door to Gary Ballis on Austin Street, only one of them did, the other was her best friend and just came over alot. These girls were an odd type. They enjoyed moaning, throwing eggs in pools, worshiping medical doctor Andrew Weil, mixing up concoctions, surfing with alpaca, and making poser facebooks for fictional teen drama television characters.

     The next day, the girl living next door to Gary Ballis, Shannon Mullins, had her best friend, Katie Gebhard, over again. Shannon sat on her front steps waiting for Katie’s arrival. She put her phone down on the cement steps in front of her house and when Katie arrived, she was so excited to see her that she left her phone there, bounding up to greet Katie. Katie had big news for Shannon. Katie had 2 all-access passes to a local Alpaca Ranch where they could meet Bill the Alpaca breeder, ride alpacas, hump alpacas, feed alpacas, sing to alpacas, burn alpacas, catch alpacas, and tame alpacas.The two left Shannon’s house immeadiately (they took the bus) and went to the Alpaca ranch. Meanwhile, Gary Ballis came outside for a nice walk around his new Milwaukee neighborhood. He took a walk around the block. When he was almost home, he took his cellphone out of his pocket and tried calling the phone number that Joseph Robert had given him again, hoping not to be assaulted verbally by those encroaching moans again. He walked into his driveway and dialed the number. Then he heard “UGH! Katie’s Birthday!”. He looked around. Then he heard it again, it was coming from somewhere around him, “UGH! Katie’s Birthday!”. He turned to his new nieghbor’s house and saw a cellphone sitting on the steps in front of their house from which the strange ringtone was coming from. Gary Ballis then went into their house, since the door had been left open since the girls were dip shits and left the doors open quite often.

     Inside of his neighbor’s house, Gary Ballis went up stairs into the girls room and explored. After going through a notebook with confusing and irregular drawings, Gary Ballis opened his neighbor’s laptop and his jaw dropped a quarter of a foot down at what he saw. Bart Bass’s facebook was up on the open window, logged in! Gary Ballis couldn’t believe his eyes. A few chat boxes were up. One said, “WAYNE. -_- It is I, Bart Bass. Speak to me Wayne, for I need to know the secret to that smile!!!!!!!!!!” Another said, “DAVID! -_- David Frees, I like raisins. Do you like raisins? How about alpaca? Do you like to have sex with alpaca?” The last one read, “JOSEPH. -_- I look forward to meeting you in Manhattan. I have a job for you. Would you sleep with me? You’re such a dashing man!!!!!” Gary Ballis continued to look around the room. There were many pictures on the wall that said things like ” Katie + Shannon= Best Friends Forever!”. There were some pictures that didn’t make any sense about muffins with puffins and angry bananas and lulu the loofa dog. Then it all made sense to Gary Ballis; a few days ago, he had accepted two friend requests on facebook, the first from Shannon Mullins, and the second one from Katie Gebhard, both of them lived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin  and were best friends. Those two girls were the ones behind Bart Bass and one of them lived here and they had both added him on facebook! The freaks, Shanon and Katie as he know knew them, walked down the block and made their way towards the house. Gary Ballis didn’t know what to do, he hid in the closet in the girl’s room.

    Katie and Shannon laughed about the alpaca they had just intereacted with. They talked about Andrew Weil and Josip Mijatovic and the black demon. They were absolutely insane. They moaned at eachother and acted like they should be in an asylums. Shannon went to the bathroom, and as she was washing her hands when she heard Katie scream in a horrified manner. “GARY BALLIS IS IN YOUR CLOSET! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH EHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHA,” Katie screeched. Shannon cracked up and walked into her room to compliment Katie for her excellent acting, but to both her horror and excitement, Gary Ballis  stood in front of her. Katie had backed into a corner. Both girls almost cried in happiness. “Gary Ballis, how’d you get here?” Katie asked him. Gary Ballis asked them, ” How do you remember me from facebook? Like how do you know who I am? I didn’t recongnize you right away!”. “Oh, we stalk you,” Shannon informed him. “Well, I’ve moved in next door to you, ” Gary told her and explained his long story. All three of them rejoiced, and Katie and her family decided to move into the Siebers house, on the other side of Gary Ballis, and they all lived happily ever after stalking Joseph Robert and going to Appleballis’s riding alpacas together!

the end.